Benefits of Accountability

Accountability is all about keeping focused, being intentional, and moving forward!

I can do it Myself…

I’ll just do it myself, no reason to bother someone else. Sound familiar? I’m one that can just ‘buckle down and do it’. I strive to balance the family, know where team members are, and being there for both whenever they need me. I think it comes from being a big sister and then a single mom. I learned to take on everything to feel some level of control.

In trying to do and be it all, I often found my plate too full. I was raising four incredible, independent teens and going to school for a bachelor’s in technology-focused education while volunteering with a local non-profit to apply the knowledge I was gaining in school. I also worked the helpdesk for the university to gain experience and have a paycheck.

I Cried In The Shower

I was there for friends, family, coworkers, and classmates. I tutored my peers, stayed up late to finish papers and maintain a high GPA, worked hard, and still found the time to host a weekly dance for my teens and their friends.

How did I do it all? I cried in the shower quite often. I thought I was being strong. I thought I was holding it together. Instead, I was overloaded, overburdened, lonely, frustrated, and so very exhausted.

I felt I couldn’t let my kids, peers, employers, professors or friends see me fall apart, so I sobbed in the shower until I was drained and so was the hot water tank. It was the only place I could find solitude and release without shame, guilt, or recrimination.

I couldn’t be weak or I was letting my kids down.
I wanted them to feel secure, so I didn’t let them see me cry very often.

Awareness

I carried the belief that doing it all meant I was being responsible. One day I had an awareness that the level of exhaustion I was carrying meant I sometimes let people down, forgot things, or left something unfinished that I meant to do, but just had too many other things pulling at my attention.

It was never intentional, however, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt someone or cause them to lose trust in me. I’m sorry about that. I looked inward to change it and to make my life better.

Accountability is Responsibility

Learning when to say no, not now, and please help were key to me understanding accountability and shifting from overwhelm to getting it done!

I started small.

I asked for help around the house AND accepted it.
I volunteered, but only picked a few things I enjoyed doing and could do while I was there for a set amount of time and no more. Setting to an amount of time and a certain number of tasks really helps keep me focused.
I made time for me and my love of photography, scrapbooking, and writing! I’m still a huge advocate for journaling and found that I LOVE making journals!
I chose to accept me and acknowledged that I couldn’t do it all and I wasn’t actually expected to.
Finding Daily Successes! I realized failure was actually the act of not trying and I gave my best every day, especially to my family, so every day I was successful.

Finding Daily Successes!

When life feels overwhelming grab a piece of paper and write down everything you did right today! It ALL counts! You are amazing, unique and gifted. Life can be busy, overwhelming and a little taxing at times, but remembering what you’re good at, what you’ve done right, and what your intentions are can be an amazing, healing salve on a wounded spirit.

Asking for help felt weak

In taking on everything I spent a lot of time learning how to do things. I researched, practiced, sometimes failed and started over and then tried again. I would find myself desperately wanting to seek counsel or ask for help, but somehow that felt weak or irresponsible.

When I started asking for help, I found so much freedom! Instead of days working through something, I spent minutes or hours working WITH someone! I got it done faster, better and with more accuracy!

Freedom Through Connection

I was surrounded by people really good at asking for help, which is partly why I had so much on my plate! They were sharing the contents of their own plate in order to accomplish all they needed to do!

The first time I said no was hard. I knew they were busy and needed help and I could help them, but at a cost to myself. The second time was easier because I’d learned to recognize that it was ok to say no and that I didn’t have to do it all to be valued or be seen as responsible or successful.

I gained more respect as I took on things I knew I could accomplish, made commitments to only what I knew was possible and completed what I said I would! The more I shared with others and LET THEM do what they were good at, the bigger my network got and the more successful I felt!

How I choose

Now I look at what I’m being asked to do or what I want to do and determine:

Do I have the time?
- If no, then it’s a no or not right now.
- If yes then I ask
Do I have the skill?
- If I have the time, but not the skill, do I have the resources to help me accomplish this in a timely fashion?
  - If yes, then I move on it. If no, then it’s a no.
- If I have the skill, but not the time, is there someone I can give this to instead?
  - If yes, then I give it to them. If no, then it’s a no.
  - If I have the time, but not the skill, is it something I want to learn and do I know someone willing to show me how?
    - If yes, then I do it.
    - If no, then I determine if the skill is worth the time investment to learn and apply it.
      - If yes, then I jump in! Always being aware that I’ve taken this on I’m accountable to getting it accomplished.
      - If no, then I decline and know that when I give all of me, there isn’t anything left to give. Sometimes I need to say no to be able to say yes later.

Accountability Partner

Having someone to bounce ideas off of, acknowledge that you’re on track, and sometimes just simply listen or present alternatives you may not have thought of can be the best way to keep moving forward!

I’ve found that especially moms, tend to think they can do it all and that it wastes valuable time of another to ask for help. That’s the opposite of what’s true.

When I connected with my friends and we brainstormed, shared tasks/problems/frustrations, and were there for each other we were all more successful! I knew that I would be talking to that friend on a set day and time and had told her I wanted to get this project done, I was more likely to do it because SHE was in my thoughts and it reminded me of the task! NOT because she would scold me if I didn’t do it.

Connection = Commitment

It’s all about the why. I’m a bit of a rebel, so having someone hover over me to make sure I’ll get something done pretty much guarantees I won’t get it done just to prove I’m my own boss. I have learned to flip that a bit though.

Instead, I choose to stay on task and get it done because I want to! It doesn’t have anything to do with them.

It’s also why I chose to start a business for myself doing what I love and what I’m very good at! Connecting with others to brainstorm, find solutions and create action plans is as rewarding for me as the person I’m helping!

Find someone you’re excited to call and share your accomplishments with!
Someone that can bring an alternative perspective and solutions
Someone that just by being there on a regular basis, keeps you on track
Someone that is ok with reminding you of your goals and action path and gently keep you on it.

Accountability Coach

An Accountability Coach is simply someone that’s been there, done that, and is willing to connect with you to encourage your journey through connecting without excuses, with tips/tricks/tools to move you forward, and with the experience needed to know when to nudge and when to inspire!

You are uniquely qualified to share your story, skillset, determination, and ideas with the world! And I’m here for you to support you, encourage you, listen, brainstorm, present solutions, and inspire!

We know where we’ve been and where we want to be, your dream is waiting for you to decide you’re worth it!

~ Tammey Brown